Pussy Joke Number 22

A Pussy Poem:

My back aches, my pussy is sore,
I simply can't fuck any more,
I'm covered with sweat,
And you haven't come yet,
And my God, it's a quarter to four!

Pussy Joke Number 21

Why I Gave Up My Pussy:

My friends all made fun of her.

She was constantly licking herself.

Pussy was too hairy for me.

I could never train her to pee in the toilet.

She wouldn’t wear her obedience collar.

Every time I played with her she scratched me.

I couldn’t train her to stay off the table.

All she wanted was attention.

She was very jealous of other females.

She liked it when I played with her.

She must have been French because she hated taking a bath.


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I just couldn’t get a license for her.
When I asked for a license for ‘Pussy’ they tried to put me in jail.

That damn cat was just too much trouble for me ….

Get you mind out of the gutter, what did you think I was talking about?
Submitted By: JACK

Pussy Joke Number 20

Think about the woman you most fantasize about having sex with.


Now ask yourself,
Would you let her pee on you just to see where it came from?

Pussy Joke Number 19

Remember this about Pussy...
Get past the smell and you gotta it licked!

Pussy Joke Number 18

Another Pussy Poem:

Pussy Pussy Ever So Fine,
smell me, lick me, poke me,
give me some wine!


Emailed to me by: JACK

Pussy Joke Number 17

Pure: A Poem

On my birthday
My pussy was so pure.
Yesterday I got stroked and poked
And now I’m not so sure,

Today I realized
I‘m just a little whore.

Pussy Joke Number 16

Shag Me:

Newly married couple both nymphomaniacs, husband comes downstairs in the morning and the wife asks what he'd like for breakfast?
"Oh think I'll have a shag please!"
So they go upstairs have a shag then he goes to work.
Husband comes home for lunch, "What would you like for lunch dear?"
"Oh I think I'll have a shag please!"
So again they shag and he returns to work.
Half-hour later he walks in the house and finds his wife sliding up and down the banister rail !
"What are you doin?" he asks.
"Oh honey, I'm warming up your dinner!!" she replies.

Pussy Joke Number 15

A TIGHT PUSSY:

This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him.
So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says.
So in goes another one.
She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!"
So he has his entire hand in, when she screams out "Put both your hands inside of me!!!".
So the guy puts both of his hands in!
"Now clap your hands..." commands the girl.
"I can't", says the guy.
The girl looks at him and says, "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!".

Pussy Joke Number 14

First Date:

There was this guy and a girl.
They were on their first date and at the end of the date the girl just said kiss me.
The guy said, "on the lips." She replied, "yes."
So he bent down and started tonguing out her juicy wet pussy.

Pussy Joke Number 13

A man is making love to his wife.
He is really banging her pussy hard, and she is groaning loud.
Suddenly the man feels someone slapping his butt and realizes it's not is wife.
He stops, looks around and it's his young son crying.
He tells the boy, hey I'm not hurting your Mommy, we are making you that little brother you want so bad.
So the boy smiles and the father takes him back to his room and tucks him in.
The next day the father comes home from work, the little boy is sitting on the steps crying.
The father asks, 'What's wrong son?"
The little boy replies, "You know that baby brother you and Mommy were making."
The fatter smiles and says, "Yes."
The little boy says, "Well forget it, the mailman came over today and ate him!"

Pussy Joke Number 12

Two guys sitting in a bar talking about pussy.
The first guy says, "I hate it when I bring a girl over to my place, I bang her hard, dump my load into her pussy and she gets up and drips goo all over the bed and floor on the way to the bathroom."
The second guy says, "I solved that."
The first guy replies, "Did you put a towel next to the bed?"
The second guy responds, "Nope, I just let the air out and carry her into the shower and wash her there!"

Pussy Joke Number 11

Man tells his girlfriend...
I'd like a little pussy.

The girl replies,
So would I.

Pussy Joke Number 10

Guys, try and remember, that red thing on a string is not edible fruit.

Pussy Joke Number 9

An old blind man was walking pass a fish market and said,
"Good Morning Ladies."

Pussy Joke Number 8

Pussy Joke:

What kind of Pussy can a Man Eat?

A man cannot eat Black Pussy because that steel wool they call a bush will chap his face.

A man cannot eat Arab Pussy because those woman smell like camel dung.

A man cannot eat Mexican Pussy because his eyes will water from all the jalapenos she has consumed.

A man cannot eat White Pussy because she smells like a fish market.

That leaves only Asian Pussy. It's small, bushy, soft, and delicate. A perfect fit for a man's tongue.

And that completes our object lesson for today.
Bon appetit!

Pussy Joke Number 7

The Fish Story by God:

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking around for Adam and Eve, but couldn't find them.
Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were earlier.
Adam said, "In the morning Eve and I made love for the first time."
God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now?"
Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."
"Damn," says God, "Now all the fish will smell funny."
So now you know why fish smell. You also know why men often times relate a pussy odor to fish.
And think we have had it backwards all this time !!

Pussy Joke Number 6

Female Tested Highest Mark:

A female gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic.
So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all she could.
When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing an error, she called the instructor saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.
You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.
I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the muffler..."

Pussy Joke Number 5

BEER v PUSSY:
It is time to do a comparison between two things treasured by men, beer and pussy...
A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer
A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy

Having a frosted ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer

Beers have commercials making fun of hot pussy.
Pussy is its own commercial and needs to advertisement.
Advantage: Tie

If you get a hair in your beer you want to throw up.
If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can cum in.
Advantage: Pussy

Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
Pussy likes head and everything that cums after.
Advantage: Pussy

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
If a pussy smells like brew don’t get near it.
Advantage: Beer

If you come home smelling like beer, your wife may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer

6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Tie

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
With pussy smaller is better.
Advantage: Beer

Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Wearing a condom makes a pussy just another pleasure hole.
Advantage: Beer

Pussy can make you see God.
Beer can make you see the porcelain god.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beer bottles is boring.
Peeling panties off of a pussy is fun.
Advantage: Pussy

If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Tie

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break or spill.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer

If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
If you change to another pussy, you can never go back.
Advantage: Beer

The best beer you ever had was Ok.
The best pussy you have ever had was fantastic.
Advantage: Pussy

The worst beer you ever had you threw up or spit out
The worst pussy you have ever had was great.
Advantage: Pussy

Beer makes you fart.
Pussy farts aren’t for everyone.
Advantage: Beer

Beer comes in all tastes, sizes, and labels.
Pussy comes in all sizes, kinds, colors, and types.
Advantage: Tie

You can get up and leave a beer and never go back.
Leave a pussy and you’ll never hear the end of it.
Advantage: Beer

Beer is limited to what you can do with it.
There are almost no limitations on pussy if you’re creative.
Advantage: Pussy

Bad beer: Heineken, Carling Black Label, Moosehead
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Tie

Good beer: Chili Beer, Schlitz, Miller Draft
Good pussy: It’s hard to find a bad Pussy.
Advantage. Pussy

The government taxes beer.
Some pussy comes with a fee, all come with baggage.
Advantage: Tie

If you spill a beer you can clean it up.
If pussy spills out it can be cleaned.
Advantage: Tie

Beer is acceptable with a head.
If it looks like a Pussy but has a head it’s unacceptable.
Advantage: Beer

Beer does not go well in the shower.
Pussy is great in the shower.
Advantage: Pussy

Beer makes you Pee.
Pussy pee is not for me.
Advantage: Beer

Beer tastes good.
Pussy is less filing.
Advantage: Tie

Beer comes fat free.
Fat pussy is an acquired taste.
Advantage: Beer

You can’t dress up a beer.
Pussy is almost always dressed up.
Advantage: Pussy

There is never a time when you can’t have a beer.
There are times when a pussy can’t be had.
Advantage: Beer

If you get drunk and pee in your beer no one cares.
If you get drunk and pee in a pussy you may have your Winnie cut off.
Advantage: Beer

Beer can’t multiply and have little beers.
Pussy can almost certainly multiply.
Advantage: Beer

Beer looks the same sober as drunk.
Some Pussy looks better drunk than sober.
Advantage: Beer

Pussy Joke Number 4

The Pussy Poem:
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.

Pussy Joke Number 3

The Creation of PUSSY:

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,

Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,

Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,

Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,

Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.

Note: This joke was emailed to me.